Writing

This is the excerpt for your very first post.

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The art of writing is not something I have mastered yet I love doing it. Just like any other person, I too have an escape place when my thoughts take over my mind, that place for me is losing myself with in the midst of the words that canvas over a sheet of  paper as the pen moves all over to create a picture in the path of understanding the life as I live it.

The time spent in writing is the time spent with in myself to understand the world, and this blog is a small window that shows you a glimpse of the world i live in.

 

 

 

 

 

The innocent smile

Source: The innocent smile

This link “The innocent smile” is a the one which directs you to an poem I wrote putting myself in someone’s shoes. A friend described the girl he loves and I wrote a poem for her on his behalf. I have never before written a poem to a person I have never seen… so am not sure how it is, just requesting you to read it and leave comments for me to know how it really is… 🙂

Mirror Mirror On The Wall…

“Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of all?”

Do you remember the above phase, yes it is from “The Snow White” one of the most adorable stories from our early times of life…

Remember the evil queen and step mother of Snow White asking the above question to the magical mirror she owned and how every time she asked the answer it gave was, “Snow White is the fairest of all!…” The same Snow White with her fairest skin to be the perfect beauty.

I myself love the story; yet now I wish the story would have never told Snow white had the fairest of the skin with made her the “fairest of all”, because even the evil queen as the fairest skin, yet the half of the people still feel; snow white was the fairest of all because of her beauty! But the truth is she was the fairest of all because the heart was the fairest of all, not the complexion but for the compassion in her heart.

“Snow White the princess with the fairest skin was not fairest of all because of her complexion but for the compassion” Repeat this sentence again and again, as many times as it takes for you to understand the truth.
You may feel why she is spoiling the story we love, I am not I am just bringing the real side, the real moral that is hidden behind the question “Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of all?”

The complexion that everyone adores is not the beauty that would stay forever, the beauty in the heart is the one that is going to make one beautiful. Today in the society we live, the greed for the skin color, the one which is not on the control of once action but the DNA that makes them. The same DNA that makes you smart, that makes you compassion, the one that lets you love, the one that makes you smile. Every person out there is born with all the goodness in the world yet with the years that go by makes it cherish or diminish, the love that you deny from sharing with a person who is not appealing to your eye site will start making them believe world out there doesn’t deserve the goodness, they are never going to be loved nor cared for the goodness they have but only will be hurt for the looks that they lack.
The beauty that you describe is not the true meaning of being beautiful. Think again the fair skin with slim body you see in a girl are not even the sign of an healthy being.

There hasn’t been a day I have passed my life without hearing the words “Maybe you have to work on your looks, go see a doctor or use fairness cream.” Even more similar words that make me feel inferior. It’s not just me out there, many more like me cry with depression, for being denied of the love and care we deserve because of the looks that everyone rejected. Who out there is perfect, the models! Come on, how much is it natural? Even so it is, remember what those models are going through to fit in that mould that is created in the name of beauty.

Every time I hear a friend of mine say “I cover my skin from the sun”, my mind goes like “take the sun out and your nowhere, the vitamin D your neglecting think about it.” Yet I can’t speak a word as I don’t want the lecture how we must try to maintain our beauty.

The beauty that they speak about is nothing but the mask that hides the evil in their hearts.

Some memories never leave; one of those is my memory of visiting the school doctor for the annual check-up, those words still haunt me “ I feel something is wrong with this girl, she is ugly and shabby.” I was a kid so young that I hadn’t visited my teenage yet. Yep the kid like me is shabby as the beetles on the ground were more interesting than keeping my shoes clean. Standing in the crowded bus after offering the seat for an elderly pleased me not my tucked shirt which was pressed by my mother, loved playing with the babies I met on the way to school even tho my plates where pulled to turn it into a shabby hair style. The white allergy marks that made my teacher feel disgust was the result of the chalk dusts not that I loved being ugly.
Same school same teacher appreciated another girl for being ground to earth, she had fair skin. You may deny but every time a person with darker skin is less appreciated even after the hard work with sleepless nights. Not only the skin color, but every person who doesn’t fit in that mould, is treated bad one or the other time.

Your acts may seem normal and harmless yet so many times those acts have sent people to the path depression.

Maybe I am not a good person anymore, I never want to be anyways, because nothing good came by my side for caring, loving and helping. Everyone may deny yet I know my ugly body is something that makes you believe I am the an evil person. Its fine, my love is enough for me.
I love the chocolate color skin ware, don’t ask me to try to increase the tone of my skin as I love dark chocolate but not white….

Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of all?

“The one with compassion in the heart, the one who never Denys help, the one who loves everyone for their goodness.”

-Lonely Heart.

Pot of Knowledge…….

Sometimes the harder you work the more you feel you’re not good enough. It’s a stupid to think so yet a necessary one.

When you feel your best at something you reduce your desire to learn more. Never believe the pot of knowledge is full, because there is something addition to learn, something new to add into the pot, it never fills full. There is an old saying: “Empty vessel makes more noise”,

“Sampoorna kumbho na karoti shabdham
ardho ghato ghoshamupaiti noonam
vidvaan kuleeno na karoti garvam
gunairviheenaaha bahu jalpayanti”

The above is an Sanskrit saying, which translates as follow:

“A full filled pot will not make the noise
Whereas an half-filled makes noise to the endless
Just so, A Vidvaan(Scholar) will never be proud of his knowledge
Whereas those who do not have any good qualities boast about themselves a lot.”

Just like that a knowledgeable person knows to impact with less noise has he is in the urge of putting more into his pot , but a person you believes his pot is full make’s the most noise with less impact on the problem has he believes his pot is full yet there remains an empty space creating a way for the unnecessary noise.

Learn and grater knowledge till your last breath, you could be the master of your work yet there is something to learn….

pot sanskrit.png
-Lonely Heart

Seven Year old mistake…

Seven year old mistake.pngSeven year old mistake…

Rejection is a common thing in life; it has happened in the past and will happen in the future….
The people who rejected you today may realise your value tomorrow, so it’s not something to weep on. Everything that happens is for a reason is something we should believe in.
Yet I know handling rejection is the most painful thing in life, for a girl like me, who is been rejected every second of life knows that painful truth. Yet I am here learning to handle my emotions every time I felt left out. I don’t want to say the once who rejected me are bad, I want you to understand they are not bad, it’s just they can’t get you.
Every rejection as a reason that is unknown to you? Remember when you go for shopping for dress, how many you would have rejected for one or the other reason. Every rejection you get is a reason that you gave them, some rejection come with genuine reason and can be learnt from. I have been rejected and have rejected people, you too would have rejected someone in a point of time, and every time you did have a reason, didn’t you?
You must learn to understand the other person who rejected you, if their reason is fair you must try to change or accept it, but if it’s foolish you must ignore the person, come on you don’t need a fool in your life, do you?!
I wanted to share a Rejection story I went through, the only rejection that broke me to hard…
The rejection I faced was something I knew would happen from past seven years; it did come late then excepted. The rejection was something related to my heart, I was rejected by the only person I love other than my family. The day the feelings developed I knew it would happen; one day the rejection would break my heart into tiny winey scrambles. The feelings developed for no reason, correctly seven years ago on 10th June 2010. It was the first time I met him, it was the first site I exchanged with him, love at first site was something I never believed yet I had an emotion that I built for no reason that day. The movement I met him there was heart that started falling for him.
I was just sixteen; it is infatuation is what I told myself every second. Yet the feelings hurt me every movement I saw him, ignoring him was like killing myself. The friendship he offered was most precious than the vast universe, yet with every silent episode he presented it killed my inner soul. Years passed, friendship grew in my heart. Expressing him my love was something I couldn’t dare of doing with the fear of losing him for ever and ever. I knew what type of girls he could fall in love with, yet I never wanted to change to become one among those girls, because true love doesn’t demand you to change. I knew he would reject me if I ever dared to ask him out. I kept quit for long enough for another girl to ask him out. The situation was in a way that he had to accept that perfect girl that came by.
Its common with every relationship that comes by, it demanded all his time, every second that went by came with a new situation in our friendship. My heart had accepted him as a best friend yet for his heart I was just a friend. I was not good enough to even be his best friend for life, this truth was something I should have realised the day he took out the best friends forever background on hike, yet I hadn’t. Foolish was my heart not to get the hint he never valued my feelings, when he told “his girl told only she had a right to pull his leg and irritate him.” The years of habit of pulling his leg and irritating him couldn’t be left with a day.
With time, I was nothing to him. Every day I blamed myself for not letting him know how much I loved him, before another girl fell for him. Maybe her love is greater than the universe, who am I to judge her, when it was she who helped him and not me, I was busy fighting the feelings I had. From the day he told me he was with another girl I tried to supress my feelings yet I accept there was few time I couldn’t handle the truth and did things that hurt him. I always wanted the feelings to go away. Yet my heart wanted him back every badly. I did many foolish acts which I am ashamed of now from the past. But the most foolish thing I did was with the new year 2017 that came by, hearing the words that the girl he loved was cheating on him, even without trying to know the truth I wanted to let him know I loved him more than her. With the irritation I gave him he started hating me even more. I was lost, I am sorry.
In March when his tolerance busted off he expressed his irritation and hatred on me to his sister, who was my friend by now. She, who could see the misery that his little brother went through, wanted to do it all right. But hurting me herself was not the actions she took. She wanted someone I respected to speak to me, someone who could make me understand that moving on and forgetting him was only option I should select.
Someone who I respect, someone I keep equal to my father not because he was old, just because he cared like a father.
This March he was one who was perfect to speak to me according to sister of the person I loved, the father with care not blood got to know the deepest secrets I had shared with my best friend with trust.
On 15 Mar, he decided to make me understand I was on a wrong path. He went on and on about the things I have sinned. I knew I was doing wrong; didn’t do them without my knowledge, at that instance I was trying to get him out of a fake relationship I thought he was in. I couldn’t make the person who believed I was on wrong path that I was doing because I couldn’t even imagine a broken heart of the person I loved. The words he spoke asked me to choose between the person I loved and the person who cared for me like a father.
The talk that had questions of the secrets I had hidden from the world the only secrets I let my love know. The secrets that spelled made me realise the trust I had on my best friend was fake as the white crow that flew, was he even a friend I wondered. I didn’t want anyone, I wanted to be alone, I wanted to escape from the world I knew. Couldn’t accept the broken trust I received, I know I was bad, I was worst of friend he had, the friend who couldn’t understand the boundary with friendship and love, but what to do I fell in love for no reason before I became his friend. I couldn’t handle the broken heart, I deleted my best friend I loved in the virtual world of phone and social sites. Yet deleting him from my heart was something so difficult for years how could I do it that instance.
With every day that passed by, I couldn’t control my actions, the refection took over me every hard. Every second I wanted him to say me the trouble I caused instead of someone who was a strange to him. Even tho I respect the person I equalled to a father, told words I shouldn’t have, I hurt him for caring, for thinking about my future.
My best friend whom I loved, his sister who I cared for and the person who I respected equal to my father was no more the people in my life. I was lost in the misery I knew would come one day with the truth he never cared for me. Yet accepting the rejection was hard for me. With the days that went by I spoke hush to every person I knew.
I hurt my true real best friends for them to delete me from their life. Now today I stand with none I could trust; none I could share with…
If just I would have accepted the rejection I knew would come by, for never accepting the friendship seven years ago. I would have been a better person, a person who everyone loved….
Every rejection I had made me stronger, made me learn to live a life on my own, it hurts, yet not equal to the pain I have with a broken heart had I knew was on my way…
He is behind every word I have ever written….
I still don’t get what is that special thing in him that he can rule my heart with nothing at all… I still have no reason to love him, but can give thousands of reasons to hate him, yet my heart can never listen a word against him.
Yes it was my mistake to let my heart fall in love with him even without a reason, even after knowing it would get hurt….
I have accepted the truth he is never going to even be my friend again, yet I wish I would have got the rejection on my face from the person who hates me to the core. As it pains to still wait for the closer that may let me sleep with a good night sleep I have missed with tiers that accompany me every night…
A Seven year old mistake….Yep I wish I would have never met him has it would have been better for him and me too…

From experience I say, when you want to reject a person speak to him/her, let them know whats their wrong, whats your situation. Just don’t start treating the person differently or ask someone else to speak…

Today even if my best friend is the best thing that happened in my life I wish “I wouldn’t have met him seven years ago.”

-Lonely Heart

Request

Hi friends, i believe your enjoying my writing.  Wanted to request you all something.

I am taking part in a contest in KAHANIYA.COM. Where i am writing a story “Confused in Love” please visit the the URL below and if you like subscribe, rate and add to favorites. So I could have a chance to get published…

https://www.kahaniya.com/s/confused-in-love

Please visit this site and read and subscribe if you like it when you have a chance… It’s a contest, if i win i get a chance to be published…. It’s a not my usual writing… So sorry if u don’t likepartone

What do you get???????

what do you get

Every day is day to learn something new, every second there is something to discover.
Last Thursday it was time similar to that at my work place, a time I discovered the answers to questions which where bundled up in my own mind from few months…
As you could figure out writhing is something I enjoy, more than enjoying it, it’s my drug to get out of stress and pressure. I was preparing for the exams that were yesterday and today. I had to juggle with work as I worked. Lucky to have an understanding team lead who didn’t exactly give me large task with the knowledge of my exams. Yet little stress took over me after studying the subjects which are not my cup of tea, so I decided to write a post “Living someone’s dream”. I mostly write in my diary to format it latter at home, but as I knew my busy schedule for the weekend I decided to write on work desktop.
Our Manager walked by as I worked on my writing, knowing my naughtiness he asked me, what was I up to? “Just working on my next post” was my casual reply… He had asked me to share my blog link previously, yet I had failed to do that as I was scared! I am not an expert writer, and every time I have noticed he as expected perfection.
As the conversation went by he shared his passion for photography. He suggested to never let go of my passion like he has kept his aside. Few more lines of conversation continued and that’s when he asked, “What do you get from this?” His eyes knew there is lot to earn, yet he waited for my answer, I had lots to say yet the words couldn’t come in correct manner, “ We tend to learn new things” I muttered. “This is not our profession, there are people who are paid for it, why should we do it?” was his counter question.
One thing to remember is that he was not only speaking about my passion for writing, but even about his passion of capturing world through his lens and every other person who as drifted from their passion, in the path of making money.
I replied saying “Just because there are people paid for doing this and you are not, you should not stop pursuing you passion.” I felt he was fine with my answer. Yet he knew he had planted a question for me carry on, for further study.
Even after he left the question hadn’t left, “What do you get from it?” repeated in my head, Peace of mind, pleasure of doing it, happiness when some admires or a lesson after a critic I wondered but all of this was something one gets, but what about the world?
That’s when I remembered, Einstein was not paid for writing paper on relativity when he worked as a clerk. What if he would have thought it was not his job! World would have been in have never understood gravitational waves.
If Galelio thought, “What am I getting from astronomical research? The only thing I am getting is opposition from one and many” we would have believed earth was flat for few more years.
I would like to conclude by saying, we may have drifted from our paths due to diverse reasons, yet when you get time to work on your passion take that privilege, who knows when your door would open, stay ready to enter when it does.

-Lonely Heart

Living Someone’s dreams….

dreams

Dreams, the word itself could make us dream. I do not want to speak about the dreams seen in your sleep but about the ones, you desire to achieve when you are awake.
Do you remember what you wanted to be when you were a kid? Every year in school, you would have dreamt a newer version of your life. I still remember telling my mom I want to be an advocate, that dream went still I fell in with science, for a kid of seven saving lives was dream, later the passion towards mathematics wanted me to find the value of 0/x. I was around twelve years old and yet my dreams were not stable.
Later the mysteries of universe attracted my mind to find the story behind life, Astrophysics turned to Genetics, day and night my dream to learn the mysteries of life kept me awake. Yet destiny brought a turn, with the reality of life that after a stage, you must earn your own bread. There was no option other than taking a 9 to 6 job for making my ends meet. The dream of finding answers for the questions with in me about the scientific reason behind still keeps me awake. I am bound to get back on track towards the dream.
Ninety percent of people are stuck in their careers, which was never their dream! Even then, every one of them try to do the best they can in the fields that destiny brought. But that desire of achieving their dreams remain in the hearts, at a stage they decide their dreams would be fulfilled by their kid; forgetting that their kids will have their own dreams to be built. The circle repeats, as large part of this ninety percent ended up in their Parent’s dream.
Living your parent’s dream may make you feel proud, but your heart can never forget your dreams. One request to every parent out there and every parent to be in future, live your dreams do not present it to your kids, even though they share your genes dreams may not be the same….

Ending my talk with the quote: “Dream is not that which you see while sleeping it is something that does not let you sleep.” ― A.P.J. Abdul Kalam, Wings of Fire: An Autobiography

apjabdl.png

IRONY OF MY LIFE

Every word that came from my heart touched countless hearts who knew the pain of being unwanted, yet it didn’t get inside the heart for which those words were written.

Sleepless nights lets me write to forget the tears that come with you name, the thoughts that could never find what was that made you feel i was a slut for loving you for no reasons.

I know the things you do are only to let me know your not interested in a girl like me, who can never fit your perfect dream, but you don’t understand i never want to fit in it anyway as you have found the perfect fit to push me out of your life. The love I hold is not for fitting in you dream but for the bond of friendship we shared.

The irony of my life that every other heart can know the pain my heart feels except the heart that mine beats for….

-Lonely Heart

True Friendship.

Friendship, “A ship that never sinks.” most popular saying I have heard from time to time.

Do friendships then never break, do they stay for ever and ever…?

We have people who where very close friends, the once we couldn’t think of our life without yet with time they have left us with reasons so diverse.

One friend who was close to me in 3rd grade left the city lost contact, before summer the school was never imaginable with out her yet after the summer in 4th grade was normal with new friends, I have no idea where and what she is up-to in life, my bad the technology was not so connected in 3rd grade. The friendship never sunk yet the paths drifted in this incident.

Fights are common reasons for friends to split, is fight end of friendship? Some cases its a no, we fight this second that the other second we are normal with no issues that could separate us yet there are some fights that end the friendship for ever and ever…. many such incidents have happen in my life…

There are people who where thicker than blood, yet now you hate the site of them. You do everything you can for hurting them. The day you tend to do that is the day you prove that your friendship was not friendship at all.

Misunderstandings come and go in life, if a person told you something there could be a reason for it, instead of hurting one another you must try to analyze the situation.

I want to share an incidents where I lost friendship. The reason for the loss was neither only they nor only me, it was dew to both sides,

First incident which took place in my college life… It was exam time, for my bad luck I was not feeling well, with two exams one after another on the with no day gap, i.e. it was on Saturday and Sunday. The Saturday exam seemed fine because I had day before it to take rest and study too. After finishing the first exam on Saturday traveling made my health a little more to the ground. Next day when I went for exam, my health was not in my favor, my friend told he will help me out by showing, I hate cheating, I never like to copy yet I had never told I wouldn’t help my friends. I didn’t wanted to fail, so I was ok with it, but god never lets me cheat for my progress, the invigilator was an best at his work so my friend was unable to help me, it was not his mistake with no experience to copying I couldn’t do it with out trouble so better was not to try. I was not that angry on him. After this incident when results came surly I scored less in the subject, thank god not so low that I failed. Latter after few more months we had another set of exam, I ensured I wouldn’t fall sick. In this exam, When that same friend showed another girl answers even with a same invigilator I felt my friend didn’t have intention to help me in the first place, but that was not the case, the girl who copied was an expert in cheating. Now the trail of misunderstanding sprouted. With results out, most of them who copied got more marks than me, come on two heads are better than one. If the time was different i wouldn’t have reacted the way I reacted, it was the time when I was going through breakup, making me incapable of thinking straight. So with all do stress I was carrying I told my friend the following words, “How much ever marks you get its not important, it should be earned in right way? Next time try to get it with you own ability.” It did hurt him.He stopped speaking to me, with time that followed a whats app group got created excluding me, the past friendship was forgotten by him. I am no more a part of that group of friends, they speak behind my back, say I was a bad friend, neglecting me. I knew he got those marks with his own ability but I was in pain and stress which made me act the way I acted. I was a bad friend for not trying to stop them cheating in the first place instead helping them cheat. Then to get angry for the things they did, which i didn’t stop. If was a true friend I would have stopped them from doing the wrong not try to hurt them with words.

I lost a bunch of friends from this indent, but realized one thing, If I was a true friend i would have stopped them from doing the wrong and wouldn’t have joined hands. Now losing them was bond to happen as the correct thing for the whole gang was cheating and even if it was against my ethics I joined hands because I didn’t want to lose my place in the gang. Now I don’t have them either….

One bad truth about life not only in friendship is when something near to your heart is lost you tend to lose every other thing you have along with it.

True friendship is not only being partners in crime, because partners in crime doesn’t mean real crime, its just a phase… True friend is one who would never let the other take a wrong path even if it seems harmless.

Never let the ship sink by not taking the right path…. Friendship do sinks sometimes….

-Lonely Heart